Mechanics of Karma

How does karma work?

Is it mundane or supernatural?

What is it's scope?

Karma means "action", so if I hit you, I will make bad karma. You will hate me, and maybe hit me back. But what if I only think about hitting you? If I think about hitting you with hatred it my heart, I will be creating or reinforcing an unpleasant mental tendency. But will it somehow influence you to think bad things about me with hatred in your heart?

If my mind is clear, like a still pond, I will make no karma. If the fruits of bad karma ripen, but my mind is clear, I will not make a bad reaction. I will break the cycle of bad karma.

Zen master Seung Sahn taught that karma has three parts: cause, action, effect. The cause comes from the last effect. Maybe the cause is you hit me. Then I have a choice: I can hit you, or I can do nothing. If I hit you back, I create one effect. If I don't, I create another.

I went to the library today. I had to use the washroom, so I went to the washroom on the 2nd floor. The stalls were both occupied. When going out, I almost ran into somebody. I was a little bit angry after that. Then I went to the washroom on the 3rd floor, and the stalls were both in use. I got a little more angry. On the 4th floor there was only one stall and it was in use. On the way out, I almost ran into someone again. I was getting quite angry at this point. It went on like this until I was on the 7th floor. I couldn't use the washrooms there because they were for staff only.
I was really angry at this point.

The whole time, I was telling myself: don't be angry, just relax. Don't be angry, you're making bad karma! I was thinking about a zen koan:


A Monk asked Yunmen, “When not producing a single thought, is there any fault or not?”

Yunmen said, “Mount Sumeru.”

Every time I went up a floor, I was getting more angry. I was getting angry at my bad luck. But bad luck is only a thought. Mt. Sumeru is only a thought. It's a thought that invokes a big mountain, but all thoughts ultimately have no substance at all.

So, I was going back and forth between being really angry and peaceful. I think this is just like meditation.

I have a big problem with anger. I get angry quite easily, but I also make a lot of self-pity, lust, and guilty feelings. I must be making a lot of bad karma for myself.

As I heard one teacher say, reacting negatively to old karma is like burning yourself twice.
Maybe it's more like burning yourself three times.
Maybe it's like burning yourself once.

Getting Lost on the Spiritual Path

Thus far, I've tried to keep this blog  impersonal. It has mostly been a practice of taking what I have read, and heard, experienced and contemplated and then trying to distill some core truth out of  all of that. I don't know if anyone has gotten anything out of reading this, but it has been a good way for me to clarify my thoughts to myself.

This entry will be a bit more personal. It may also be the last entry. I'm putting this blog on indefinite hiatus.

I've always been interested in the big questions about life: who am I? what am I doing here? Is there a God? An afterlife? A spirit? I've never been a card carrying member of any religion, but I became interested in Buddhism and contemporary Western spirituality in my teens. I was very unhappy, and I was looking for answers. When I was 18 I had an incredibly powerful experience on psychedelic mushrooms which made the pursuit of spiritual enlightenment an obsession. This obsession had latent periods, of years at a time, but it has always resurfaced.

I am 30 years old now, and the enlightenment that I was sure would attain had not appeared. For a time, I would have periods of what I thought was satori. I mapped them and they were getting longer and closer together. And then finally...nothing happened. Well, something happened, it just wasn't what I expected. I became extremely depressed. For the last four months or so I've been battling suicidal depression.

But good news: I think I have come to some sort of equilibrium. Not because I've come to some big insight, but because I haven't. None of the spiritual diatribe makes sense anymore. I hear the words, but they just slide off my mind. I haven't had an awakening. I haven't realized anything.

There is no more spiritual path for me. There is no more philosophy. It's piss in the wind, a snake swallowing its own tail.

The Amazing Power of the Mind

The mind has much more power than people sometimes think. Popular opinion seems to be that the mind is a passive phenomena, which is at the mercy of circumstance. But if we put this theory to task, we can see the outright falseness of it. Actually, it seems more and more obvious to me that it's mind that creates circumstance.

What do you want?

Be honest. What is that you ultimately desire? What is the one thing that is absolutely essential?
If your answer is "romantic love" or "money", or "fame", or anything else, you might be the case that you're not being completely honest, or that you're not probing deep enough. I think that if we're honest with ourselves, we can see that clinging to any form, whether it be another person, a Ferrari, or a lasagna is only an attempt to gain happiness through a third party. So, what do you really, ultimately want? It must be happiness. Not just happiness, but perfect happiness. We get attached to things as a means to an end.

But we tend to lose sight of this. Maybe at first our desires are few, and easily satisfied. But they tend to proliferate, and become ever more complex and difficult to acquire. The unfortunate result is that we ransom our happiness on these desires. The result of that is that whatever desires we are unable to fulfill leave us feeling lack. And those desires that we do fulfill, we become possessive of and fear that they may disappear.

Those things may be simple to let go of, like a pair of shoes, or they may be more difficult to let go of--like another person, or your own body.

Somehow we become convinced that it's the objects themselves that bring us happiness. And when we fail to get something, or we lose something, or anticipate the loss of something, the mind becomes upset. It judges, it blames and it becomes jealous. When this happens, the mind  makes up negative stories about other people, in order to create an image of a world where everyone is at least as unhappy as we are. The mind says things like,  I may not have a BMW like that guy, but he's arrogant. No way I will ever be like him! 


Unfortunately, when  we  carry around negative thoughts, they adversely affect the way people treat us, they affect our health, and they color the way that we see the world. Negative thoughts create a negative life. Likewise positive thoughts create a positive one. So whether there is some unseen mystical process at work, or otherwise, our thoughts have a way of creating your circumstances.

Try this simple exercise:

Imagine the perfect circumstances, wherein, you've met all of your desires. You have the perfect partner, the perfect job, all of the money you require to buy whatever you want. Your life is full of meaningful relationships with people that fill your heart up with love every time you see them. Now go further. You are in perfect health. Your body is young and attractive and looks exactly how you want it to look. You are completely fulfilled creatively, intellectually, and emotionally. You have everything you want  and your life is absolutely perfect in every way...and it will be like this forever.

Now, how do you feel? That great feeling you have right now was created by the mind. And it required nothing. So, here's proof that you can make yourself feel exactly how you want to feel--you can be totally happy, regardless of circumstances.

Your mind may already be saying, "yeah, but...".

It may already be trying to sabotage that good feeling. And it will, if you let it.

But what will happen if you let that feeling soak in? How will your life change if you continue that feeling all of the time? Will you get the Ferrari and the fortune? Maybe. But if it doesn't come, who cares? It's not the object that imparts happiness. It's not even the mind. Happiness wells up naturally in a still mind. Actually, the mind doesn't even need to be still--it just needs to remain unattached.

Telling Stories About Yourself

It seems to me that the understanding of the world that I've taken three decades to construct is an utter fiction. My mind chatters on about what is so, what is not so, what is expedient, and what is not, and for a very long time, I believed it. Most of the time, I still do. But more and more, I take pause, and think to myself "my God, what is all this nonsense"?

It starts at a very basic level. I assume I am a discrete entity. I assume the world around me is a discrete entity. I have political views, and assumptions about what other people think. I reminisce about a past that is half-forgotten and patched up with assumptions, and feebly try to imagine the future.

My mind is constantly spinning a story out of words, in a desperate attempt to add substance  to life--to try and give it form. Nothing that it says is true. If I care to look, I can see that consciousness, ergo self, ergo life is formless. And that the mind is caught in this habit would be fine...but that somehow, when these stories are believed in, they create a salient feeling of tension, unease, and dissatisfaction. 

When faced with these unpleasant feelings, I do what is natural and try to figure out a way to overcome them. I didn't always do this. When I was younger, I would lash out in anger and blame the world around me, which at the time, I was quite sure I was separate. After doing this a few ten thousand times, I began to notice that that when I projected anger outwards, that I would feel bad. Also, when I succeeded in hurting someone else, I could usually feel their hurt, too. To make matters worse, getting angry almost never, or never got me what I wanted. So, now I try to overcome negative feelings as they arise. 

But this is another trap. How can I overcome these feelings? The mind spins it's web. It argues this point or that point. It makes very good arguments. Sometimes it argues against acting rashly. Sometimes, when I am having a bad day, It makes very good arguments for acting rashly. Either way there is an argument being made. Thankfully, these days most of these internal dialogues get resolved within a few minutes. This is good progress from when I was a teenager, when I would carry on the debates for weeks, months, or even years. And yet I find this extremely worrisome that they are still going on. There is something in me that is milking these little dialogues for all the sour milk it can get.

For what purpose is all of this negative energy being harvested? I've read piles of books on dharma and contemporary spirituality, watched and listened to hundreds of hours of audio and video, from personalities from a variety of disciplines, and the consensus seems to be that, this conflict is needed to sustain the ego--the idea  of the self as something separate. The ego needs to be fed to maintain it's story. It feeds on conflict, because conflict perpetuates the fundamental fallacy that there is a "you" and there is a "the rest of the world".

Everything I believe is a lie. Because it is popular, because I've been bred to do it, and because there was no one there to tell me otherwise, I've come into the habit of clinging to isolated statements, and believing they have significance in an of themselves. Every statement is untrue. Even scientific statements are relative: humans cannot measure the universe objectively, because we cannot witness it objectively. The world as we perceive it is merely a reflection of our own nervous systems. Even that statement is untrue. There is no inherent truth in anything I've written here or anywhere. 

I am, for the most part caught in a never ending story about life. This story is constantly creating suffering, but instead of discarding the story, I created additional passages that justify the suffering; verses that pontificate various means to an end. And when the end doesn't come, the story says, "It will just be a little longer" and "aren't we making progress?" But the stories perpetuate themselves. What a joke! 

The hard truth is there is no ego. It is a fiction created and sustained by the self, which is the entire field of awareness. So all that pain, all that suffering that's in my life. That's me creating it. That's me sustaining it. That's me clinging to it ever hour. And I like to tell myself (and others) that enlightenment is something that takes discipline and devotion, and a particular disposition. It requires none of these things. It requires nothing, but the discontinuation of the story of "me".

So what's your story? What do you tell yourself you need to be happy in life?  How many friends? How many possessions? What degree? How many sexual partners? The romantic devotion of and attachment to exactly what kind of person? What job title? How much cold hard cash?

When you get it, will any of that supersede the story of the ego? 

And by the way, exactly who is going to "get" it, anyway? 

Gross Karma, Subtle Karma

Karma. What does that mean?

For most people I know, karma is this wishy-washy idea that what you do comes back to you. Some people say flat out that it's nonsense, but most seem to identify with some aspect of it. Usually, it seems to me, there is a kind of hesitant belief in it, without really understanding what it means. 

Well, karma means "action": plain and simple. But what from whence comes this assumption that action influences that future? 

Well, it sounds absurd when I put it like that. I know if I buy milk and a banana in the evening, my morning cereal will be a lot more enjoyable. I know that if I buy my friend a coffee on Monday, he may buy me a beer on Saturday. No one in their right mind would deny this sort of gross cause and effect. 

But what if we do good things and no one notices? Can we expect that our kindness will be repaid by some benevolent mystical force? 

Well..yeah, sort of. It depends on what you mean by "good things". 

And there is a difference between doing good things with an open heart and doing good things with a closed heart. If I leave an envelope full of money in a poor neighborhood, with the sole motivation of reaping the karmic benefits, it may be just as well to spend that money on something for myself. 

You have to give with an open heart to reap karmic fruit. You must be truly vicarious, because it's the vicariousness  itself, that generates the good karma--and I don't think it's too hard to see why. When you feel genuinely joyful at the thought of other people's happiness, it's like any other kind of happiness--it makes you feel happy! 

Here's where the western mind gets suspicious--it's the idea that the present happiness is creating favorable conditions in the future. If you think of yourself as separate from the world as a whole, the idea seems fucking crazy. However, if you see yourself as a not separate from the universe as a whole, this kind of cause and effect seems perfectly natural. 

For me, the reach of karma extends into mere thought. Of course, it's a worthwhile practice to cultivate peaceful thinking for it's own sake, but sometimes its seems very difficult. Negative thoughts creep in, and say that it's futile. It's at these moments that I take comfort in the idea that I am every second creating my future, on a very subtle level. 

God Within, God Without.

It seems at first glance that the Abrahamic religions have little in common with the Eastern traditions of Hinduism, Buddhism and Taoism, particularly because the former describe an external God and the latter emphasize the God-nature within all of us. Are these traditions speaking of different phenomenon? How can they be reconciled?

I contend that they are speaking about the same phenomenon. The primary difference being, the Western religions take the perspective of the ego, and the Eastern religions take the perspective of awareness. In the New Testament, Jesus references his "father who art in heaven". That God is nothing but awareness, and Jesus is the ego. In Buddhism, no such God figure exists. Instead there is Buddha nature, which all Buddhists hope to realize. This is done, essentially through the realization of no-self. So, from the Buddhist approach, instead submission of the ego, or personal self, to God, that ego is merely examined closely, and seen as illusory.

In Buddhism enlightenment means non-duality. The same message is present in The Bible. In John 14, Jesus says,

"Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. ¹¹ Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me..."



This passage show that Jesus didn't believe in a God that was separate from his own self. This is the same as the realization of Buddha nature. And in the gospel of Luke, Jesus talks about heaven on Earth. This is can be seen as the same thing as nirvana. "Knowing God", and similarly be thought of   as enlightenment. And according to the ancient Greek, Jesus is not "the" son of God, he is "a" son of God. In Buddhism there is a contrast between self and no-self; ignorance and enlightenment, whereas in Christianity, there is a contrast between God and man. The languages are a little different, but it seems to me that they express the same idea.

I think this fundamental concept of  unity is the keystone of most, if not all the world's significant religions. Likewise, it appears in contemporary spiritual traditions. Ramana Mahrishi, the great 20th Indian Sage of Tamil Nadu spoke of the same phenomenon. He implored seekers to find the source of the "I" thought, and to contemplate it. He and his teachings are responsible for the "Neo Advaita Vedanta" movement which is becoming popular on the American west coast. Eckhart Tolle, the author of the acclaimed Power of Now urges his readers to "aware in the present moment", and thus have the "self talk" dwindle away, and so removing the ego and seeing reality as it is.   

You can phrase the phenomenon is many different, ways, but the goal of spiritual traditions, is to recognize the difference between identifying with the isolated idea of the person you think you are versus the entire field awareness. There is no separate self, because that awareness is a verb, and not a noun. The idea, that noun, of who you think you are exists within that awareness, and it is dependent upon that awareness to exist at all.
It's like there are two selves: there is the fake self that an amalgamation of  personality, life story and your body; and then there is the real self which is formless, which perceives the fake self. The unreal self is essentially a conglomeration of thoughts that must be constantly maintained in order to continue to exist. The real self is formless and eternal. This is the essential message of all genuine prophets throughout the ages.

Realizing non-duality leads to extraordinary peace, because when you no longer see yourself as separate, there is no more "me vs them". Then if conflict does arise, it can be seen one immediately takes responsibility for it. Instead of thinking what a terrible world it is that has put me into this situation, one becomes empowered, and realizes that there is no separate world out there punishing oneself; there is only a particular circumstance, which has arisen of it's own accord. From this way of thinking there are no victims. Essentially this is the same as consigning your will to God. In my opinion, devoting one's self to God is not the full realization, because there is there is still a self to submit...but then again, if the submission is absolute, then perhaps there is no difference. 

When you realize that it's all just you, there is no longer need to attain anything. If you can see that wherever you are and whatever you are doing, you are complete, then it's a small step to realize that unhappiness is caused be the tension we create in the body when we mentally cling to the material things that we do not have. From there you can realize that you have the choice to hang on to your unfulfilled desires, or to simply let them go. It's mere choice. What is there to fear but death? And what is death but the breaking up of the body? No one knows what happens at the time of death, but it's only a problem if you're identified with the body. Therefore, even though I am not Christian, perhaps I can agree that when someone dies, he goes to heaven.

People have been realizing God consciousness and non-duality, at least since there has been writing--and it seems a bit silly not to assume they have been before then. The experience is constantly being rediscovered and expressed in different terms. But if it's genuine, it's the same phenomenon, of discovering one's own true nature:oneness; peace; love; whatever.

Thoughts on Death

I've heard it said that all fear comes from the root fear of death. It stands to reason. It seems to me that most people will cite death as their biggest fear, and if you die, then you're presumably free from all other fears. I'm beginning to wonder, however, if all this fear of death is warranted.

Most people believe that after they die, there will be some kind of afterlife, or they will reincarnate, or alternatively, that there just won't be anything.

Well, if there if there is an afterlife, then why should one worry? Some people will fear that they will go to Hell when they die, but I think the vast majority of people that believe in the "afterlife" as such, think that they will be going on to the land of milk and honey. If this is a genuine belief, then why all the apprehension surrounding death? Why not view it as a celebration?

For those who believe in reincarnation, it seems that their attitude toward death should be informed by their current life situation--that is, if they are enjoying life, then they should have a certain amount of apprehension toward death, but otherwise, they should look forward to it.

For those who think that death is the end, full stop, why should there be any worry about about it one way or the other? Such people sometimes claim to have a greater appreciation of life than people with alternate ideas on death, but I find this reasoning questionable. Such people are completely identified with the body, so if the body is in constant pain, then death seems preferable.

So, are the only people that have a really good reason to fear death the people that believe they will go on to live in torment for eternity?

Regardless of the choice of the above beliefs, there often remains a fear of the loss of self. I think that's the core of people's fear of death. Loss of self. But what does that mean? What is this self, anyway?

Is self the body? Although this is, intuitively, what many people seem to think, how can this be so? The body is flesh and blood. It is gross matter. Is is this gross matter that is perceiving the world around it? No, that's absurd. Matter is something that is perceived, it's not perception itself. Is this not obvious? Maybe we can say that consciousness is shaped by the brain, but who's to say that the brain isn't shaped by consciousness? Some of  assume that there cannot be consciousness without the brain, but can there be a brain without consciousness? I'm not trying to be "cute" here. This is a legitimate question. 

If self is the result of a living body, then it would make sense to assume that when the body dies, there is a dissipation of self. Perhaps this is so. But perhaps self, that is consciousness (as opposed to an identity) is not the result of a living body.

It seems perfectly reasonable to me to suggest this. I think many people assume it, without knowing it: when you bring up death they will say: an eternity of nothing? Who wants that? But this line of reasoning assumes a witness--someone to experience that nothing.

How can consciousness be created? How can it disappear? Can it?

The fact is that whatever our personal beliefs about death, no one really knows what is going to happen. All that we know is that the bodies that some of us identify with as self will die. That's it. And if that's the end of consciousness forever, then so what? As Mark Twain famously said, (loose paraphrase) being nothing didn't bother me for billions of years before I was born, why should it bother me after I die?

For the record, I do not think death is the end. I think that consciousness is eternal, and it's form that is impermanent. So, when we die that's the end of our personalities, but consciousness lives on, formless and infinite. After all, that's what it's like to be nothing.